The press, at least those cock smoking, loose lipped, Republithug fucktards at ABC, are having a field day with comments made by one Barrack Obama in the very recent past.

You all remember when McCain (the towering shrine to truth, justice and the American way…wait, he isn’t any of those things…) said that he wouldn’t mind being in Iraq for ‘a hundred years’? Anyone remember that? Obama did, and the press certainly does. ABC is busying themselves with belittling Obama because a Democrat had the audacity to call that sorry and pathetic zombie McCain out on his pandering to the Bush White House. Shocking.

Everyone suddenly has sallied forth to the defense of McCain; he didn’t really mean that he believed in fighting a war for the next century. What he really meant was that we should have a station or twelve in the sandbox for the next fucking century. After all, we have bases in Europe and Japan, and have had for the last sixty some years. How is this any different?

Well for one thing, and pay attention class, because this be a very important difference: WE FUCKING WON THAT WAR! And we did it in five years; actually we only played a major hand in the war for four years, so technically we won in just over four years. It has been five years in Iraq and we’re nowhere close to claiming victory, there or in Afghanistan. So yeah, John, a rather large, easily identifiable difference. And oh yeah, another easily defined difference; the world wanted rid of Hitler and the threat that Japan posed, and as I recall, nobody invited us into Iraq. Afghanistan yes, but not Iraq…but I’m quite certain you know that already John, I don’t need to remind you of the very recent historical blunderings of our nation.

So Obama isn’t the only one who heard that comment and wanted to vomit. Normal, everyday American citizens felt bile rise like a fucking flood when John dropped that bomb on us. But Obama is the only one receiving national attention (I understand you get a lot of that when running for the office of the President of the United States of America) and as such, provides these narrow-minded Republishit fuckers with an easy target to bash upon. Ironic, at the very least, that you pricks have the nerve to play a cheap game of semantics, given that you rewrote the fucking rules in that arena.

So, to all the fine assholes at ABC, and to their equally high quality asswipe viewers: FUCK YOU! Yeah…fuck you, fuck the horse you rode in on, fuck your mother, fuck that pathetic cult of a church you grovel in, and fuck whatever it is you call ‘God’ for allowing you the privilege of independent thought, not that you use it, but fuck him anyway. And oh yeah…remind me to slap God for the crime of letting you useless, simple minded buffoons to reproduce.
Out.

As if the widespread and very lasting devastation Hurricane Katrina dropped on the Gulf Coast and the miserable federal restoration weren’t enough for victims of the hurricane a new and fresh hell has stepped up to the plate. That is right my friends, the U.S. government isn’t done throwing lives in the shitter, and for some odd reason, I don’t believe they will done anytime soon.

We are all aware of the disgraceful handling by the U.S. government, particularly the paltry effort by FEMA in the aftermath of Katrina. Some of us are aware that the ‘first responders’ weren’t government officials but contractors in the employ of Blackwater USA. And some of us are also aware that many involved in the rebuilding of places hammered into sodden heaps are private contractors. These contractors, like many of the worthless scum working for the military, are just as much a blight in the civilian world. And now these detestable, money-hungry scumbags have found a new way to further grind into dust the damaged peoples of the Gulf Coast.

One such contractor, ICF International of Fairfax, VA., is stating that they have made severe overpayments to Katrina victims, and that they want the money back. ICF was in charge of running the Road Home grant program, which aided homeowners in restoring some semblance of normalcy to their lives. Now many of these people are in danger of having to pony up thousands of dollars because of possible overpayments.

Not being there and not being in the middle of this gigantic and consistently mismanaged nightmare I cannot speak to the validity of this situation. What I can attest too, and what I will attest too, is the simple fact that the people of the Gulf Coast are entitled to this money.

Oh really you say…if they were overpaid then they must, a reasonable person might say, repay the monies issued.

Perhaps, in normal circumstance they would be compelled to do just this. However the situation all along the Gulf Coast is far from normal, no matter what your definition of the word may be. Katrina has been a cluster fuck since day one, and the government is no hurry to correct their gross inaction, mismanagement and misconduct. Instead they are more than willing to continue the downward spiral; it is easier to fuck the people you are supposed to watch over and protect than to actually do your stated job.

Is our government so rife with corruption and greed that we as a nation are going to allow them to further bully our populace? Are we so far removed from the plight of our fellow countrymen that we will turn a blind eye to their troubles?

It is a shabby and clearly vile day when we as a nation, allow our government to so abuse and bury our own people. Do me a favor, America, flood your lawmakers with complaints on behalf of the Gulf Coast. Let these inglorious wretches feel a national wrath and righteous anger. Let these men and women lawfully elected on our behalf wallow in the misery such as has been gifted to the citizens of the Gulf Coast. Let them, in other words, actually do the job for which they were elected.

Out.

Screaming at the TSA seems to be a recurring theme around here. It’s almost as if they look for ways to allow people to scream at them. More attention than I’d ever like, but maybe these stupid pricks have a self-loathing complex that would drive most shrinks to suicide. I don’t know.

A lady in Texas was forced to remove both her nipple rings in order to board her plane. One of the piercing required the use of pliers. Funny thing is she had a belly button ring as well, and they didn’t force the removal of that piercing. I guess the nipple rings are some sort of bizarre threat to planes, maybe a sort of living hand grenade or the like. Don’t you feel the magic bubble of aerial safety that TSA is providing us with? I know I do.

But…and this is important, the TSA wants you to know, the security agents are well trained in the area or piercing. Even those piercing which happen to be in ‘sensitive’ body areas.

So my fellow Americans, beware the TSA if you have extra holes in your body. And pack a pair of pliers on your next vacation if you do have any extra holes.

Link and out.

A two front war is ‘straining’ the government? A two front war requires more U.S. soldiers in order to effectively combat the threat of terrorism? Really…quite extraordinary these late blooming revelations regarding war-fighting. I guess had our idiot President bothered to actually serve in the military he might have half a fucking clue into the inner trappings of fighting a war or two.
Seems to me that a few other people, useless tools called Generals, made some small mention of this nasty little fact before the war began. I wonder what ever happened to those generals…
Anyway, what I mean to say in all of this is that George is an idiot. And now after five years of war, four thousand troops dead, tens of thousands more wounded, and a national debt that will be chewing on the backs of mainstream America for decades…our fearless idiot has a choice to make; win the war in Afghanistan by moving troops from Iraq, or lose the war in Afghanistan by leaving troops in Iraq. Of course there is a catch here, a small one, but a catch nonetheless. See, we can’t lose the war in Afghanistan because that was the launch point for this whole debacle, and rightly so. If we lose in Afghanistan the terrorists win, and by your dear and fluffy fucking lord we just can’t have that happen. But if we lose in Iraq, a place we never should have been to begin with, then democracy loses and Lady Liberty might well squeeze out a tear or two.
So tell me George, what is to be done?

Funny, I normally call statements based on falsehood a fucking lie. I pretty damn certain that had another politician, say, someone running against you for the office of President, had made a statement as grossly and transparently false as yours then you’d have been at their throat instantly.
Do us all a favor Clinton, shut your trap and go the fuck away…you’re a lying, petty, small minded chickenshit politician and you don’t deserve the White House. Oh, and do us a favor, stop fucking the Democratic Party with your ‘misstatements’.
Out.

4000 thousand dead men and women of the U.S. military, and a financial burden of over three trillion dollars, all from having a war in Iraq.
Yet even with 4000 Americans dead, and countless more injured in the name of war profiteering corporations this war is far from over. It will be at least another year, at the minimum, before we as a nation will find any sort of resolution to this costly problem. In the worst case this war will continue for years more as our wretched politicians attempt one useless extraction plan after another.
The ending of this war is of secondary importance though, at least this morning. With all the humdrum of the presidential election, numerous environmental disasters occurring in the United States, a rapidly weakening economy, and healthcare woes, the war in Iraq, and in Afghanistan have been largely forgotten by the media. I cannot say whether or not the general American public has decided to forget about the war, but our news agencies have certainly forgot, as have many of our politicians. And that sad fact is entirely unacceptable people, a crime that cannot be allowed to continue.

Aside from that fantastically sorry speech regarding the war in Iraq (I mean really, what President, what international figure actually speaks like that…fuck), and the Cheney the Penguin disregarding in contempt the public opinion, the President and his staff have added another ‘fuck you’ to the list.
Remember that stink about the missing emails in the White House? Remember how those thieving dogs kicked and screamed about any sort of investigation into their disappearance? Well when Congress and two suing parties turned out to be a little more determined than the White House was counting on, something new managed to float to the service.
The hard drives which contained all those missing emails (or might have contained them, just to be clear, cause after all they were missing) have been destroyed. Not by the White House of course, that might incriminate them further. No, they were destroyed by an ‘off sight government agency’. Destroyed of course in the interest of security. Our security I’ve no doubt, plus destruction holds the added benefit that fucking nothing is recoverable.
Way to cover up your mistakes guys. You don’t look in the least bit guilty now. Congratulations.

From the time Tony Snow posed the question ‘Would you try Jack Bauer?’ to this mornings disturbing article on NPR regarding that fictional lunatic, FUCK JACK BAUER!

‘24’ is not a great show. It was alright the first year. Catchy, fresh idea for a T.V. series, even I watched it once or twice. I didn’t follow it through the entire series though, not even the first year. When the show was put back on air for another season I had to wonder, was the show going to be the same shit? And look at that, I was right. Same fear-mongering, saber-rattling plot line…oh how exciting. Jack Bauer running around like a crazy man, visions of terrorist induced destruction dancing madly before him. And isn’t it odd how the man always avoids due process in the performance of his job? Isn’t it strange that he constantly thwarts authority because ‘he knows the fucking threat to real’? Don’t you find it even a little disturbing to think that a man so driven by fear is too be the savior of this nation? Well, of course all the fans of the show don’t find any of that odd or unsettling. They deem themselves ‘patriots’, and no violation of national law is to great when violated for the sake of one’s country. Right.

Well, people, The Pickled Jester is here to inform you of a few things.

Jack Bauer is a fictional character. He does not exist in the real world. Let us be very clear on that point. No person like Bauer would be allowed to serve the U.S. government; we don’t like loose cannons. Nor would a man like Bauer be allowed to run around doing as he pleases. Not yet anyway, give it a few years and I’m sure this nation will see more than a few assholes like Bauer.

Secondly, and this is an important little bit, people like Bauer are a threat to all societies, but they are a special kind of threat to societies which think of themselves as ‘free’. Men who are so driven by fear, the near insane revulsion and dread of imminent attack, are a danger to all people. This type of person does not stop running on overdrive once the threat (if indeed there ever was one to begin with) is neutralized. They keep going, always looking for a new threat. If no new threat is to be found then this type of person will create a threat where none before existed. For example, a man like Bauer could quite easily come to believe that criticism of the government is a pre-eminent threat to our nation. That is just an example though, the nature of the perceived threat isn’t as important as the fact that men like Bauer, fictional or otherwise, will ALWAYS see a supreme threat to our nation. And they will never stop. Or, since our nation of television inundated peoples might prefer, Bauer is a human terminator; he will not stop until death grounds him.

The true defenders of America are not the stylized action hero’s of television and Hollywood. They are men and women who lead relatively quite lives, devoid of exciting car chases, phoned threats to their own lives or the lives of those close to them. They are people who will never find themselves in a wholly distressing firefight with well armed terrorists. They are people who shall never see the day when they are staring face to face with a bomb waiting to be diffused. In other words, the men and women who truly defend America from all threats, foreign and domestic, are simple people, educated people; lawyers, doctors, activists, politicians (well, some of them anyway), authors, police, etc. They are certainly not Jack fucking Bauer.

Grow up America. Realize, and realize with both great expediency and profound veracity that men like Bauer are nothing less than your common thug, a well paid miscreant and villain. He is the man who would no doubt be denigrated to the level of criminal were he any other than an American civil servant. He is the man who would be hunted and assailed at every turn were he an Arab. He is the man who would appear in any number of criminal courts were he walking in the real, waking world, for crimes to many in number to list here.

Out.

People…we here in America are in an immediate and dire need, and I mean that most sincerely. It seems as if we have managed to further lose sight of what is actually important in our lives and the life of our nation. I didn’t imagine that was possible, but if Americans are good for nothing else they are not lacking in the ability to surprise and amaze with regularity.

Earlier this week the governor of New York was hammered for using an escort service. Fine, he fucked up (no pun intended). He did something that as a married man he should not have done, although the disturbing trend of married politicians is a source of unending amazement, and he shouldn’t have slept around as a public figure. Dandy.

But everyone is forgetting a few things, especially the bloodthirsty, corporate fucking media. Spitzer has done less to abuse his office than ANY scummy Republican official in the last decade. Yet the weight of the government and the ruthless eye of the media is pummeling this man to dust. Or at least trying to, he seems to be holding up fairly well.

Spitzer slept with a call girl. A woman working for an escort service (and I gotta say, at a grand an hour she must have been one hell of woman). There are a couple of very important facts to remember here: 1. It was in fact, a woman that Spitzer slept with. 2. She was over the age of 18.

So the governor of New York had an affair with a legitimate woman of legal age. Not so bad, really, when you think of a few other politicians in the country. At least one Republican politician is out trying to cornhole whatever man is willing, but he isn’t gay, he wants you to know. Another was charged with child pornography, and oh so many have slept around on their wives. But we like to forget about that, don’t we? Yes, Larry Craig still rears his shriveled face from time to time in the news, screaming that he isn’t guilty and that he isn’t gay (and for the record, I could give a shit whether or not he is gay, just say and be fucking done with the personal guilt you stupid fuck). But no one is screaming for his resignation. No one is clamoring and foaming at the mouth over his actions, or the actions of any other Republithug scumbag who has been caught ‘abusing the sanctity of marriage and that of public office’.

But let a Democrat get caught playing the same game. The world comes fucking undone. It’s as if the very fabric of the universe has somehow torn…and loosed the hounds of republican hell upon the nation.

I hate hypocrisy. I despise the very concept. I hold in absolute and utter contempt those who would draw and quarter another for performing the same deeds as they themselves have. There is no smaller and insignificant creature than the person who lacks the personal conviction to admit wrongdoing, preferring rather to scream and rage against another who has been caught for the same actions. So, yes America, I hold each and every one of you who would, indeed are, supporting the fall of Spitzer.

It isn’t that I find his actions agreeable, quite the opposite in fact. He is married and he should conduct himself in said manner. Then again, he does the same as many a married man in this nation, and I don’t see any of you resigning your post simply because you’ve been caught. Additionally, how is this of consequence to the nation? Why must we concern ourselves over his life, or the life of any other person we deem to be a public figure? His screwing a call girl has not affected his ability to govern the state of New York. So why are so many people howling for his demise? I do not have an answer for that pathetically sorry question, and I suspect none of you do either.

Out.

That is your general stand on these bloodsucking fuckers, right? And yet you have several on your staff, and many of them have done things that aren’t very nice to American owned business. Even better, they did it because you told them to. Interesting.

See John, you have a small problem here, a conundrum of sorts. The people which are currently (and have been for the past year or so) managing your presidential bid all have worked for Airbus, so to speak. Not too mention that letter you wrote in regards to the contract going to Airbus. But what the hell, we all make colossally stupid mistakes that cause immense damage to an already ailing economy, right?

But I digress…back to the business at hand.

Texas Representative Tom Loeffler, whose name I am certain you know, as he serves as your national finance chairman, lobbied for the European Aeronautic Defense and Space Co. while he was serving as your finance chairman. Well, knowing how much you love fair contract bids this cannot be a good sign for you. How fair is any contract when you have someone employed who is working for one of the companies involved in the contract bid? I’m lost on this one John, perhaps you could swing by and explain it to me. What is that? You’ve more people under your employ who lobbied for Airbus? My my my.

Susan Nelson, currently your campaign finance director, as well as William Ball III, who has campaigned with you. Two more names for two more lobbyists, both of them working for Ogilvy Government Relations and The Loeffler Group; both of these institutions were and are under the employ of Airbus. And you seem to know an awful lot of the more powerful minds in charge of each company. I ask again, how fair and balanced was this contract bid, John?

Well, people, I’ll let you read the remainder of the article for more details. Just know that there are two questions McCain must answer:

1. How does this deal stand inline with his ‘buy American’ spiel?
2. How is this contract bid fair, balanced, and transparent, as McCain so loves to say so often, when the very same people he employees put the minds and time to work for Airbus?

Link and out.