Almost as if the French heard me seconds after my request reached the world at large, an answer has been gifted me.

Earlier I said the French were considering boycotting the Olympics due to Chinese involvement in Tibet. I was incorrect, partially.

The French are considering boycotting the Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics should the Chinese continue on with their chosen path in Tibet. Seems the French are great lovers of international sports, just like our own woefully inadequate President and are unwilling to miss one moment of the heart pounding excitement the Olympics promise to deliver. Thank you France, I cannot tell you how happy I am with the swift response.

I hate it when someone I like to pick on without mercy does something which makes it difficult for me to tear them apart. Depressingly enough, the French are making my life a little blander these days, and I swear to Tom, they are doing it on purpose. Bastards.

First the French tore down an illegal statue several years back, on the premise that it was raised without government permission and that it was ugly. I can’t help but admire that attitude…no matter how much it hurts. Second those world class marathoners have managed to produce a $7,000.00 car that runs on air. Just what exactly do you say to that? Especially if you hate the price gauging fucksticks at the pump, which sadly, are multiplying at a horrific rate these days.

Then, today I read about something else the fucking French are doing. And damn it all but I can’t help but to yet again find myself impressed with the French. And to those of you know me; you are well aware that my admitting to such a grievous sin comes with considerable physical pain. This morning the French Foreign Minister announced the French are considering boycotting the Olympics due to Chinese involvement in Tibet. Furthermore they are urging the entirety of the European Union to adopt the same policy should China continue acting in the barbaric manner they are so adept at. Funny thing here, people, the Chinese word for foreigner was ‘barbarian’, clear up until the 19TH Century; now this ancient civilization has fallen (again, they were never very humane with those they considered to be lesser in stature than they) to new depths of barbarity and ravaging greed.

Anyway, I am tired of the French doing things that nearly necessitate my esteem and high regard for a group I so love to verbally abuse. So, to the French…if you could cease these high-minded, morally delightful actions I would truly appreciate it. Thanks in advance.

Link and out.

I went over to fix a computer for a friend of mine tonight at around 2100, and I left at around midnight. In most places of our world midnight is a quiet time, as quiet at least as the 21ST Century will allow. There are places, true, which do not sleep, even at that dark and still hour. But where I live midnight is relatively tranquil.

I have driven the roads near to my home in the hours of night many, many times. I have seen nearly the exact sameness of my small corner of the world countless times. I have noticed with passing care the numerous vehicles on the roads, the warm lights in windows of homes and businesses, the signs of human inhabitation in other words; all with very little regard or concern.

This night’s drive, though, struck with a different, unmistakable sort of force. The world I know had not changed, physically at least, yet something was out of place as I drove home in the dark. I saw most clearly, perhaps disturbingly clearly, the few vehicles on the road, the never-ending glow of electric lights, and the few unfortunate souls caught out of doors in the damp cold; I saw the irreversible and damning touch of man everywhere I looked.

We’ve so little of the natural world left to us. And everyday that small, precious piece of our planet is lessened. There are few places now alive in our world as they once were, unblemished and unscarred by the ravaging greed of men. Instead we have towering monuments to the marvels of engineering. We have built our prisons in the form of great cities. We have departed so far from the natural world that we no longer no how to survive long without our support system. In short, the quest to dominate the natural world has failed, but not entirely.

We can destroy our world at will to ensure our supposed needs are met. We can rape the planet or resources with impunity and without care. We can abuse and bury our fellow man in the name of progress. Yet when the natural world rebukes us our grievances, we stand unprepared and unable to withstand the onslaught which Mother Nature can so brutally deal out. We can, as mankind has always been able too, bend the natural world to our will, but we can never break the law of nature. And we can hold the world to our will for only so long, but it is long enough to allow us to believe that we have indeed conquered that last frontier.

I’m not sure what brought this on, nor am I sure of where it is supposed to lead. But I am tired now and I have things to do in the morning, so I shall depart now. Think of this what you will, hopefully it will do someone some amount good, no matter how small and insignificant.

Out.

From the time Tony Snow posed the question ‘Would you try Jack Bauer?’ to this mornings disturbing article on NPR regarding that fictional lunatic, FUCK JACK BAUER!

‘24’ is not a great show. It was alright the first year. Catchy, fresh idea for a T.V. series, even I watched it once or twice. I didn’t follow it through the entire series though, not even the first year. When the show was put back on air for another season I had to wonder, was the show going to be the same shit? And look at that, I was right. Same fear-mongering, saber-rattling plot line…oh how exciting. Jack Bauer running around like a crazy man, visions of terrorist induced destruction dancing madly before him. And isn’t it odd how the man always avoids due process in the performance of his job? Isn’t it strange that he constantly thwarts authority because ‘he knows the fucking threat to real’? Don’t you find it even a little disturbing to think that a man so driven by fear is too be the savior of this nation? Well, of course all the fans of the show don’t find any of that odd or unsettling. They deem themselves ‘patriots’, and no violation of national law is to great when violated for the sake of one’s country. Right.

Well, people, The Pickled Jester is here to inform you of a few things.

Jack Bauer is a fictional character. He does not exist in the real world. Let us be very clear on that point. No person like Bauer would be allowed to serve the U.S. government; we don’t like loose cannons. Nor would a man like Bauer be allowed to run around doing as he pleases. Not yet anyway, give it a few years and I’m sure this nation will see more than a few assholes like Bauer.

Secondly, and this is an important little bit, people like Bauer are a threat to all societies, but they are a special kind of threat to societies which think of themselves as ‘free’. Men who are so driven by fear, the near insane revulsion and dread of imminent attack, are a danger to all people. This type of person does not stop running on overdrive once the threat (if indeed there ever was one to begin with) is neutralized. They keep going, always looking for a new threat. If no new threat is to be found then this type of person will create a threat where none before existed. For example, a man like Bauer could quite easily come to believe that criticism of the government is a pre-eminent threat to our nation. That is just an example though, the nature of the perceived threat isn’t as important as the fact that men like Bauer, fictional or otherwise, will ALWAYS see a supreme threat to our nation. And they will never stop. Or, since our nation of television inundated peoples might prefer, Bauer is a human terminator; he will not stop until death grounds him.

The true defenders of America are not the stylized action hero’s of television and Hollywood. They are men and women who lead relatively quite lives, devoid of exciting car chases, phoned threats to their own lives or the lives of those close to them. They are people who will never find themselves in a wholly distressing firefight with well armed terrorists. They are people who shall never see the day when they are staring face to face with a bomb waiting to be diffused. In other words, the men and women who truly defend America from all threats, foreign and domestic, are simple people, educated people; lawyers, doctors, activists, politicians (well, some of them anyway), authors, police, etc. They are certainly not Jack fucking Bauer.

Grow up America. Realize, and realize with both great expediency and profound veracity that men like Bauer are nothing less than your common thug, a well paid miscreant and villain. He is the man who would no doubt be denigrated to the level of criminal were he any other than an American civil servant. He is the man who would be hunted and assailed at every turn were he an Arab. He is the man who would appear in any number of criminal courts were he walking in the real, waking world, for crimes to many in number to list here.

Out.

And I love it.

For once the state that is the dick of America did something worthwhile, something I can agree with and even lend my full fledged support to. Amazing isn’t it? Life never fails to amaze me.

The Florida Senate seems to be just as tired of the whole ‘sagging pants’ thing as Dennis Leary is, and myself too. Leary did a great fucking comedy deal where the punch line was ‘Pull up your pants!’, and in doing so voiced the mind of a many an American. Now the more or less worthless state of Florida is doing something to make itself noticed, and it doesn’t even involve stealing an election. Awesomtastic!

This bill is aimed at public schools, the punishment being suspension for students who fail to comply. Nothing major really, nothing that will deter too many students even. That isn’t the point though. The point is that someone is trying to do something about a problem. Now, all of you Democratic types who just so happen to rule the Congress, pay attention: someone is trying to do something about a problem…a problem, a problem, a problem…

Getting back on track.

The Florida city of Riviera Beach also passed a similar law on Tuesday, but not just for public schools, but as a city ordinance. Repeat offenders are subject to a maximum penalty of 60 days in jail. I love it. I guess this is the political version of ‘fuck your fashion statement, it sucks’.

Anyway, I think more states should pass laws of this nature. Not because I think the government should regulate how each person expresses themselves, but because wearing your jeans halfway down your ass has the effect of making one look retarded. Besides, as the French once said, ‘it’s ugly’.

Link and out.

People…we here in America are in an immediate and dire need, and I mean that most sincerely. It seems as if we have managed to further lose sight of what is actually important in our lives and the life of our nation. I didn’t imagine that was possible, but if Americans are good for nothing else they are not lacking in the ability to surprise and amaze with regularity.

Earlier this week the governor of New York was hammered for using an escort service. Fine, he fucked up (no pun intended). He did something that as a married man he should not have done, although the disturbing trend of married politicians is a source of unending amazement, and he shouldn’t have slept around as a public figure. Dandy.

But everyone is forgetting a few things, especially the bloodthirsty, corporate fucking media. Spitzer has done less to abuse his office than ANY scummy Republican official in the last decade. Yet the weight of the government and the ruthless eye of the media is pummeling this man to dust. Or at least trying to, he seems to be holding up fairly well.

Spitzer slept with a call girl. A woman working for an escort service (and I gotta say, at a grand an hour she must have been one hell of woman). There are a couple of very important facts to remember here: 1. It was in fact, a woman that Spitzer slept with. 2. She was over the age of 18.

So the governor of New York had an affair with a legitimate woman of legal age. Not so bad, really, when you think of a few other politicians in the country. At least one Republican politician is out trying to cornhole whatever man is willing, but he isn’t gay, he wants you to know. Another was charged with child pornography, and oh so many have slept around on their wives. But we like to forget about that, don’t we? Yes, Larry Craig still rears his shriveled face from time to time in the news, screaming that he isn’t guilty and that he isn’t gay (and for the record, I could give a shit whether or not he is gay, just say and be fucking done with the personal guilt you stupid fuck). But no one is screaming for his resignation. No one is clamoring and foaming at the mouth over his actions, or the actions of any other Republithug scumbag who has been caught ‘abusing the sanctity of marriage and that of public office’.

But let a Democrat get caught playing the same game. The world comes fucking undone. It’s as if the very fabric of the universe has somehow torn…and loosed the hounds of republican hell upon the nation.

I hate hypocrisy. I despise the very concept. I hold in absolute and utter contempt those who would draw and quarter another for performing the same deeds as they themselves have. There is no smaller and insignificant creature than the person who lacks the personal conviction to admit wrongdoing, preferring rather to scream and rage against another who has been caught for the same actions. So, yes America, I hold each and every one of you who would, indeed are, supporting the fall of Spitzer.

It isn’t that I find his actions agreeable, quite the opposite in fact. He is married and he should conduct himself in said manner. Then again, he does the same as many a married man in this nation, and I don’t see any of you resigning your post simply because you’ve been caught. Additionally, how is this of consequence to the nation? Why must we concern ourselves over his life, or the life of any other person we deem to be a public figure? His screwing a call girl has not affected his ability to govern the state of New York. So why are so many people howling for his demise? I do not have an answer for that pathetically sorry question, and I suspect none of you do either.

Out.

That is your general stand on these bloodsucking fuckers, right? And yet you have several on your staff, and many of them have done things that aren’t very nice to American owned business. Even better, they did it because you told them to. Interesting.

See John, you have a small problem here, a conundrum of sorts. The people which are currently (and have been for the past year or so) managing your presidential bid all have worked for Airbus, so to speak. Not too mention that letter you wrote in regards to the contract going to Airbus. But what the hell, we all make colossally stupid mistakes that cause immense damage to an already ailing economy, right?

But I digress…back to the business at hand.

Texas Representative Tom Loeffler, whose name I am certain you know, as he serves as your national finance chairman, lobbied for the European Aeronautic Defense and Space Co. while he was serving as your finance chairman. Well, knowing how much you love fair contract bids this cannot be a good sign for you. How fair is any contract when you have someone employed who is working for one of the companies involved in the contract bid? I’m lost on this one John, perhaps you could swing by and explain it to me. What is that? You’ve more people under your employ who lobbied for Airbus? My my my.

Susan Nelson, currently your campaign finance director, as well as William Ball III, who has campaigned with you. Two more names for two more lobbyists, both of them working for Ogilvy Government Relations and The Loeffler Group; both of these institutions were and are under the employ of Airbus. And you seem to know an awful lot of the more powerful minds in charge of each company. I ask again, how fair and balanced was this contract bid, John?

Well, people, I’ll let you read the remainder of the article for more details. Just know that there are two questions McCain must answer:

1. How does this deal stand inline with his ‘buy American’ spiel?
2. How is this contract bid fair, balanced, and transparent, as McCain so loves to say so often, when the very same people he employees put the minds and time to work for Airbus?

Link and out.

We have a day set aside for Johnny fucking Appleseed? Seriously? And you want me to observe this day by mixing an appletini? My country has gone into a deeper state of insanity than I thought…

Keep in mind that I don’t despise, loathe and hold in absolute contempt each and every police officer of this nation. But more than a few fall neatly into that category, and perhaps it is just me, but it seems like the number of assclown cops in that ghastly level of authoritative hell is growing daily.

The latest inductees into to this elite class of loutish and graceless fucksticks happen to be members of the Albany Police Department (and you thought I was going to go with the Seattle PD…didn’t you?). One Matthew Fargione and one Nick Abrams can now list a new accolade on their soon to be highly needed resumes. Dicks.

Anyway, these two fuckers pulled over a lady named Lisa Shutter for ‘failing to use her turn signal’, as the report states. No ticket was issued nor was an arrest made. Instead the two cops accused her of drug use.

“You fit the profile. You’re a white girl in a rental car.” This from one of the cops to Shutter. I had no idea that a white girl driving a rental car was the spitting image of a crack whore, or any other drug type. I guess I must have missed that definitive sign while I was reading through the manual. I’ll have to go back and review, you know, so I can better inform myself and to avoid being harassed by cops because I’m ‘a white guy with long hair and a field jacket’. I’d hate to waste the most important time of our valiant civil guardians.

The evening only worsened for Shutter.

The cops then decided to reach in the car and grab her cell phone, asking questions about phone calls made and the like. He also decided that it was ever so important to review all the information on the phone, contacts, calls and so forth…and then he decided to call one of the contacts, a woman named Mandie.

More accusations flew at that point, with the cop asking Mandie whether or not Shutter was due to pick her up that night. Mandie responded with a ‘what the hell are you talking about’. So, to review so far, pulled over by two idiot cops, told you are a crack whore because you’re ‘a white girl in a rental car’, your personal phone seized with out virtue of a warrant, and your childhood friend accused of much the same crimes as you already have been. Outstanding police work.

Next is my favorite part. I honestly don’t know why more cops don’t behave in this manner; after all, it is SUCH endearing behavior.

The cops next ordered Shutter out of the drug attracting rental car and proceeded to search the car, and her. Upon finding her wallet empty of cash they demanded to know whether or not the money had been spent on crack (personally, I prefer dealers who use debit cards). Now keep in mind, people, that Shutter never consented to a search of anything, let alone her person. The search of her body was, is, perhaps one of the dumbest fucking things a cop has done in the last ten years. You guessed it…CAVITY SEARCH!

A cavity search of a female, performed by men. I could swear that there are certain laws and regulations that prevent that sort of thing. Also the searches (like her car and phone) were performed without benefit of a warrant or an arrest, or even just cause. One universally spectacular fuck-up after another by the boys from the Albany Police Department…bravo!

Upon finding no evidence of any wrongdoing, the police were forced to let her go…with the following statement:

“You’re lucky….better not drive around here again.”

Now, all sarcasm aside, the behavior of these two cops is nothing less than atrocious. But there is something far worse than the humiliating and unjust experience Shutter was at the very center of.

The Albany Police Department isn’t doing much of anything about it. Shutter did want to make a complaint to a civilian oversight committee, but did not on the advice that the Internal Affairs Department was better suited to handle the investigation.

Well, nothing of note has been accomplished as of this date. The event occurred in December of 2007. It is now nearly mid-March of 2008 and not a goddamn thing has been done to the either of the cops involved, the IA department, or the Albany PD. Shutter did eventually report the incident to the civilian oversight committee, but so far, nothing has been done there either.

So Lisa Shutter, my advice to you, find yourself a lawyer and sue the living shit out of the Albany Police Department, and while you’re at it, sue that useless parasite of a civilian oversight group.

Link and out.

Well, not me (actually they do owe me money and a fucking lot of it, but that is another story entirely) personally, but they do owe people on the Mexican border a substantial amount of money.

For some long time now one Eloisa Tamez has been battling the U.S. government over land rights. Specifically her right to keep her land in her family. The government has been trying, and in some cases, successful at seizing land all along the Mexican border in order that they may build their new wall/fence. Tamez viewed government demands poorly, and decided to tell the government to go to hell.

Today a federal judge has ruled that the government is not allowed to seize her land without first attempting to negotiate a price. Tamez is looking at this decision as a victory, which I suppose it is. Not the victory that I would like to have seen, but a victory none the less. My question is thus: If Tamez is unimpressed with the offer and refuses, does the government then become owners of the land anyway? Will they still have to offer money in order to acquire the land, or will they be allowed to simply seize the land as they have been trying too for months?

In my not so humble fucking opinion the government is wrong in this case. Some of these people living along miles and miles of the Mexican border have been landowners for decades. The land has been in their families for many, many years; they are absolutely correct in wanting to hold on to it. So a federal judge ordering the government to first offer a price (and I’m not even certain it is a fair price) is of little use to landowners everywhere if the government can still seize the land at the end of the day.

For those of you who remain unaware of land seizure issues this case is not something new. The government, federal and state is allowed to seize your land for public use. Normally however, a monetary agreement is made first. Along the Mexican border apparently makes for a different issue. That and having an idiot for President. The ruling of this federal judge is not sufficient to the task, and unless I miss my mark, the government will still swallow acre after acre of land along the border for their expensive and otiose effort at halting illegal immigrants.

Link and out.