10. Reality T.V.

Why? Why do we as a society allow these filthy abominations to rule the airwaves? They are not based in any sort reality (I sincerely hope I did not break any hearts out there with that one, but while I am on the topic, wrestling isn’t real either), which would classify them under ‘False’, which means, you got it, not real. However I do understand that they are here to stay, so I will settle for simply renaming the whole lot of them. We could try something along the lines of ‘Your life sucks more than a disease-ridden Taiwanese whore so go ahead and watch this pile of stinking drivel and maybe you’ll feel better about your own wasted life and derive some sort of value in yourself T.V.’. I say we go with that.

9. Right wing, born again, undereducated, over funded, militant Christians.

Once again, why? How in the hell are you going to tell me how to live my life when you voted for Bush and every other asshole of a president like him? Tell me again how great your repressing, subversive, sadistic religion is. Should we count the ways? Why bother, your just going to deny everything anyway, that’s alright though, cause when you die, your going to run into me and then all the denial in the world isn’t go to save you. Anyway, do the rest of the world a huge favor and commit mass suicide for God. Hey…feel an idea here. Maybe we could turn this idea into a reality show, a true reality show that is. It could be fun, and we could make a lot of money with it, George, you might even be able to start another war with all the revenue. It might be something like this:

Ryan Seacrest(Cheery types are good for reality shows as I understand): Hi and good evening, welcome to Commercial Xiancide for God. Our first contestant is Bob, hailing from Virginia, land of bible thumping, mini van driving imbeciles. Bob has chosen door number two so lets see what death is behind door number 2. (Applause) And look at that…it’s a hammer wielding Judas Iscariot! Judas come on out and beat the holy shit out of Bob! (Applause) Alright folks we are going to commercial now but stick around, cause when we come back rabid hyenas are going to tear apart the bloody pulp that was Bob!

Works for me…I would watch.
8. Boy Bands.
Yea, these obnoxious little shits need to be shot like dogs in the street and right fucking now. Overrated twits with no musical knowledge or talent what so ever running around cooing to a crowd full of twelve-year-old girls. Assholes. But hey, what do I know…I guess there is something to be said for having you ego fed by children while your running around on stage singing about pansies or what ever it is they sing about. Go commit suicide. Feel another reality show coming on here.
7. Soccer.

Four words: damaged people, damaged sport.
6. Slow drivers in the fast lane.

Of all the things that manage to piss me off while I’m driving, this is the most reprehensible. Understand (for all of you who are guilty, VIRGINIA), your life may be dull and uneventful, you may not want to go home to your self inflicted miserable marriage, your life may be such a decaying shitheap that your driving home to a shotgun to the head; THE REST OF US LIKE OUR LIVES AND DO NOT NEED YOUR WASTED EXISTANCE TO INCONVIENCE OURS!!!!!!!!! In other words, get the hell out of the fast lane if you’re going to drive an old woman in a broke down Yugo. And do not glare at people who ride your sorry ass until you leave the left lane. Do not get huffy, do not shout insults or throw us the bird as we roar by you, we cannot hear you and we do not care, why you ask…because you cease to exist as soon as you are out of our way. Congratulations you have become a speed bump. Enjoy your new role in life.

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